The Universe and Our Desires

People desire things.

We all know it.. we all have done it at some point in our lives; perhaps even daily? When was the last time you desired something (even if it was just a cup of tea or a hug from a loved one, both I must say are fantastic things to desire!)

Some of our desires seem at first to be more fulfill-able than others; why is this?

I personally find that this is because of the associations we have with that particular desire; a culmination of previous experiences, thoughts, feelings and emotions that we have for whatever reason associated with a specific event happening.

These associations tend to form very limiting ideas in our heads... Most people at some time have thought something along the lines of:

"I don't deserve this."

"I'm not good enough for this."

"I can't do anything right."

"I don't finish anything I start."

These forms of thought are entirely destructive. Something which started as an association due to something in the past evolves gradually to become a conscious thought associated with a memory, that in turn evolves and becomes an attitude we adopt; this attitude if successfully re-enforced enough becomes a belief and that belief ultimately can become a conviction. A Conviction is something you are entirely convinced of. If you are convinced you are "not good enough for this" then you'll certainly put in a good effort to prove yourself right!

I had some news earlier in the week that was at first glance rather disappointing. I had built a range of plans (read goals) for the next six months based around receiving something that I was so sure would come my way - perhaps a little too sure. I guess the news shattered some ideas that I had built pretty solid visualizations around, but they were suddenly pulled away from under me. I began to question why this didn't manifest itself, I looked at everything I've done so far and was lost for any ideas.

A few days later I had the thought that perhaps it was an attitude I developed over ten years ago, an attitude I developed as a way of making myself feel better about a particular course of action that was different to what most people were doing... an attitude I adopted because it "explained" something about me, not that it was ever essentially a truth, but I treated it as such because for so long I had just believed what I'd told myself for over ten years without ever asking myself why I thought that way - and I still can't tell you why, other than as a "social explanation."

Mind you, I did know that it wasn't the end of the world at the time; the particular thing I was hoping to hear is offered again in a few weeks; then again not until next year. The other positive was there are other options that are stepping stones to this desire that I knew from the outset were a possibility of having to take the longer, harder more mundane path.

On a side note here - the same can be said of spirituality; it is better not to rush it - let it develop and guide you.. you don't need to push it! Back to my story.

I guess the story would read much easier if I explained to you what I was talking about. I had applied for entry into a particular course of study, three in particular. My first choice was to complete a Bachelor of Arts, my second choice was a Bachelor in Theology, figuring it's basically a superset of Arts and I could transfer later, and a lot of my "Arts" interests are actually Theology/Philosophy based too. I haven't done any "formal" study in over 13 years, I'm not really surprised I didn't get an offer. My other options include doing a bridging course of some kind over the next 6 months to gain entry into a degree program.

The "social explanation" I was referring to was due to the fact that I left school before completing it and ended up in the full time work force from 16 years old. I knew this limited my chance of higher education later on, but also knew there were paths into it later on too. The thing I would do differently now, I would hope, is to not then tell myself "I don't need a degree." or "There is nothing University can offer me." or "I know everything and don't need to study.". You can imagine how damaging these statements re-enforced over a long period of time can end up popping up.

I guess my thoughts around study began changing when I stumbled upon the Western Mystery Tradition and something for the first time in a very long time something that I didn't already understand popped up that I found fascinating and was driven to study it. This drive to study extended to everything and for the last twelve months or so I have absorbed so much information for such a wide variety of sources and find the inter-relationship between all areas of study and life.

How did it all turn out? Well...

I had some great news by the middle of the week. The Universe has presented me another option, which at this point appears to present the bits of the desire that I was focussed on, perhaps detrimentally to the 'big picture' I had in mind. I don't want to discuss the specifics of this new option, i've discussed it further with the Universe and we'll see how it pans out in the next few days - stay posted.