Sunday, July 6, 2008

The Universe and Our Desires

People desire things.

We all know it.. we all have done it at some point in our lives; perhaps even daily? When was the last time you desired something (even if it was just a cup of tea or a hug from a loved one, both I must say are fantastic things to desire!)

Some of our desires seem at first to be more fulfill-able than others; why is this?

I personally find that this is because of the associations we have with that particular desire; a culmination of previous experiences, thoughts, feelings and emotions that we have for whatever reason associated with a specific event happening.

These associations tend to form very limiting ideas in our heads... Most people at some time have thought something along the lines of:

"I don't deserve this."

"I'm not good enough for this."

"I can't do anything right."

"I don't finish anything I start."

These forms of thought are entirely destructive. Something which started as an association due to something in the past evolves gradually to become a conscious thought associated with a memory, that in turn evolves and becomes an attitude we adopt; this attitude if successfully re-enforced enough becomes a belief and that belief ultimately can become a conviction. A Conviction is something you are entirely convinced of. If you are convinced you are "not good enough for this" then you'll certainly put in a good effort to prove yourself right!

I had some news earlier in the week that was at first glance rather disappointing. I had built a range of plans (read goals) for the next six months based around receiving something that I was so sure would come my way - perhaps a little too sure. I guess the news shattered some ideas that I had built pretty solid visualizations around, but they were suddenly pulled away from under me. I began to question why this didn't manifest itself, I looked at everything I've done so far and was lost for any ideas.

A few days later I had the thought that perhaps it was an attitude I developed over ten years ago, an attitude I developed as a way of making myself feel better about a particular course of action that was different to what most people were doing... an attitude I adopted because it "explained" something about me, not that it was ever essentially a truth, but I treated it as such because for so long I had just believed what I'd told myself for over ten years without ever asking myself why I thought that way - and I still can't tell you why, other than as a "social explanation."

Mind you, I did know that it wasn't the end of the world at the time; the particular thing I was hoping to hear is offered again in a few weeks; then again not until next year. The other positive was there are other options that are stepping stones to this desire that I knew from the outset were a possibility of having to take the longer, harder more mundane path.

On a side note here - the same can be said of spirituality; it is better not to rush it - let it develop and guide you.. you don't need to push it! Back to my story.

I guess the story would read much easier if I explained to you what I was talking about. I had applied for entry into a particular course of study, three in particular. My first choice was to complete a Bachelor of Arts, my second choice was a Bachelor in Theology, figuring it's basically a superset of Arts and I could transfer later, and a lot of my "Arts" interests are actually Theology/Philosophy based too. I haven't done any "formal" study in over 13 years, I'm not really surprised I didn't get an offer. My other options include doing a bridging course of some kind over the next 6 months to gain entry into a degree program.

The "social explanation" I was referring to was due to the fact that I left school before completing it and ended up in the full time work force from 16 years old. I knew this limited my chance of higher education later on, but also knew there were paths into it later on too. The thing I would do differently now, I would hope, is to not then tell myself "I don't need a degree." or "There is nothing University can offer me." or "I know everything and don't need to study.". You can imagine how damaging these statements re-enforced over a long period of time can end up popping up.

I guess my thoughts around study began changing when I stumbled upon the Western Mystery Tradition and something for the first time in a very long time something that I didn't already understand popped up that I found fascinating and was driven to study it. This drive to study extended to everything and for the last twelve months or so I have absorbed so much information for such a wide variety of sources and find the inter-relationship between all areas of study and life.

How did it all turn out? Well...

I had some great news by the middle of the week. The Universe has presented me another option, which at this point appears to present the bits of the desire that I was focussed on, perhaps detrimentally to the 'big picture' I had in mind. I don't want to discuss the specifics of this new option, i've discussed it further with the Universe and we'll see how it pans out in the next few days - stay posted.


Theo Huffman said...

There's so much in this posting I can identify with. First of all, I also dropped out of high school. For me, it was a social thing. Certain aspects of my personality grew up quickly (too, quickly, I realize now), and because I had grown accustomed to the company of adults, I just couldn't stand being around high school kids anymore, and I couldn't stand being treated like a child by the teachers I knew were mostly pretty clueless about life themselves.

Although I was the son of a professor, and had always been intellectually curious, I was a bad, lazy student. Only applied myself sporadically. And it was also mysticism, magick and the occult that finally tweaked my desire to study. And boy did I study that!

I got into college because I had a brilliant GED (administrator said it was the highest score he'd ever seen!) and a decent ACT. I ended up getting an MA in German literature from the University of California at Davis. Just goes to show you.

As for the subtle thought forms lurking within your consciousness that thwart the things you visualize: I know all about that. Sometimes things manifest the moment I even begin to visualize. Sometimes I realize I've gotta go exploring through my "issues" and do some weeding out before anything is going to happen.

Lately I've become aware of the essential importance of emotion in visualization. That seems to be the aspect of it that can overcome previous mental habits and attitudes. You really need to teach yourself to feel the joy of attaining the goal of the visualization, and let it surge through you and the visualization like an electrical current. It makes a big diference. Not that I've managed to get over all of my issues yet. But I'm chipping away at them!

An Unknown Philosopher said...

Frater Theo!

Firstly, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

I also wanted to thank you for your blog, I thoroughly enjoy reading it regularly and it was part of the inspiration for starting to blog about my spiritual journey too.

I think we're all chipping away at our issues, I am however thankful that I eventually became aware of my inner processes enough to begin to take control of them.

Peace Profound.
An Unknown Philosopher F.R.C.